The Power of Emotional Intelligence: How Staying Grounded Helps You Navigate Difficult Personalities

By Louise Buckingham

In group settings, we often encounter a mix of personalities—some uplifting, others challenging. Occasionally, we may encounter individuals who seem to thrive on control, manipulation, or emotional reactions. While we can’t always change the behaviour of others, we can empower ourselves by developing emotional intelligence (EI).

🔍🧠💡Understanding Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage our own emotions while also being aware of and responding effectively to the feelings of others. It acts as a protective shield, helping us stay calm and composed even when faced with antagonistic personalities.

🕵️‍♂️👀🎭How Difficult Personalities Use Emotional Data Specific individuals, especially those with controlling or manipulative tendencies, gather emotional “data” from group interactions. They observe what makes people uncomfortable, what triggers a reaction, and where they can push boundaries. The key to neutralising their impact lies in staying grounded—ensuring that your reactions remain measured and intentional rather than impulsive.

As Jordan Peterson puts it: "If you ever meet someone trying to test your boundaries, the best strategy is to notice and not react emotionally. They lose their power if they realise they can’t provoke you."

For further insight, watch Jordan Peterson’s discussion on handling manipulative individuals: Watch (Youtube)"NARCISSISTS ARE WIRED FOR CRUELTY"~JORDAN PETERSON'S BEST MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH on Youtube.

🌿🧘‍♂️⚖️ Strategies to Stay Grounded in Group Settings: Self-Awareness – Pay attention to your emotions. If someone’s words or actions cause discomfort, acknowledge your feelings, but don’t let them dictate your response.

🧘‍♂️Emotional Regulation: Take a breath before responding. Impulsive reactions can give difficult personalities the emotional response they seek. Detachment from Drama: Not every comment or action requires engagement. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all.

Reframing Negative Interactions – View challenges as opportunities to strengthen your emotional resilience. Instead of seeing an encounter as an attack, see it as practice in maintaining composure.

🚧 Setting Firm Boundaries – If someone consistently oversteps, politely but firmly assert your limits. Simple statements like, “I’d prefer not to discuss that,” or “Let’s keep this conversation constructive,” can be powerful.

❤️ Cultivating a Support Network – Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Engaging with positive, like-minded individuals reinforces your emotional balance.

🛡️ Thriving Despite Challenging Personalities Emotional intelligence allows you to remain centred, no matter the social dynamics. By developing self-awareness, managing reactions, and setting firm but kind boundaries, you create an environment where negativity has little power over you. The goal is not to control others but to master your energy so you can move through the world confidently, quickly, and emotionally.

🛑🛑 The STOP method 🛑🛑 A powerful tool to help manage emotional reactions, especially in high-stress or conflict situations. It encourages mindfulness, self-awareness, and intentional responses rather than impulsive reactions.

🛑 S – Stop Could you pause This brief moment of stillness allows you to interrupt automatic, emotional responses. Take a deep breath and mentally detach from the intensity of the situation. A few seconds of stillness can help you regain control before saying or doing something you might regret.

✅ Tip: Try silently counting to five before responding. This simple trick can prevent knee-jerk reactions and help you respond with clarity.

🚶‍♂️ T – Take a Step Back If possible, create physical distance between yourself and the stressor. This could mean taking a step back in a heated argument, leaving the room, or even closing your eyes for a moment to create internal space. Distancing yourself allows you to see the situation more clearly rather than being overwhelmed by emotions.

✅ Tip: If physically stepping back isn’t an option, take a mental step back by visualising your emotions. Where do you feel them in your body? What shape do they take? Are they heavy or light? Giving your feelings a form can create distance between you and them. If you recognise anger, try acknowledging it with a lighthearted approach, such as saying in your mind, "Hello, Anger, my old friend." This can help you detach from the intensity of the feeling and respond with greater clarity.

👀 O – Observe Take a moment to assess your emotional and physical state. Notice any tension in your body—clenched fists, a tight jaw, or a racing heart. Acknowledging these signs can shift from an automatic reaction to a mindful response. Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? What thoughts are running through my mind? What does my body need to relax?

✅ Tip: Try a grounding technique, such as focusing on your breath or identifying five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This can help bring you back to the present moment.

💭 P – Proceed Mindfully Now that you’ve paused, stepped back, and observed your state, you can decide how to respond. Aim to communicate calmly and assertively rather than react emotionally. If necessary, set boundaries to protect your mental well-being. You don’t have to engage in conflict—walking away or staying silent can be as powerful as speaking. If you respond, do so with intention, ensuring your words reflect your values rather than your emotions in the heat of the moment.

✅ Tip: Practice using phrases like: 👉 “I need a moment to think about this.” 👉 “Let’s revisit this when we’re both calmer.” 👉 “I hear what you’re saying, but I need space to process.”

Why the STOP Method Works This technique is rooted in mindfulness and cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), helping individuals break free from reactive patterns. By creating a moment of reflection between stimulus and response, STOP empowers you to manage stress, regulate emotions, and approach situations with clarity.

💡 Incorporate STOP into daily life: Use it in conflict and when dealing with stress, making important decisions, or navigating overwhelming emotions. The more you practise, the more natural it becomes!