Learn To Say NO, To Say YES To You!
It requires courage to say ‘no’, but it maintains freedom by setting limits 🙌 👏 (Hinton et al. 2020).
Do you experience difficulty with saying no to people? 🙅♀️🙅♂️. For some people, the deep-rooted need to say yes to people can have become so innate, that you may not even realise you find it difficult to say no. Because saying no is something you can’t remember having done in a long time. For other people, saying no can feel so challenging and uncomfortable that despite knowing you want to say no, you can’t help but say yes. If you are somebody that finds saying no difficult, then it’s time to change your perspective on the word no and begin to get you feeling more comfortable with using it. Finding it hard to say no to others could mean you are struggling with wanting to people please and ignoring your own needs.
You should only respond with “yes” when you feel what you are being asked fits with your values and your boundaries. ✨
👉 What could be stopping you from saying no? 🔷 You are anxious about confrontation and believe saying no could result in an argument. 🔷 You put the other person's feelings above your own. 🔷 You are fearful saying no to someone will damage the relationship you have with them. 🔷 When you say no you feel like you are a bad person 🔷 You are fearful you are not good enough so strive to prove your worth to others. 🔷 You are anxious if you say no, you aren’t fulfilling your responsibility. 🔷 You want to please others. 🔷 Growing up, you experienced negative outcomes when you said no. So, you changed your behaviour in an attempt to protect yourself. 🔷 You struggle with self-worth and don’t feel you deserve to put yourself first.
👉 Important Questions... Below I have included some important questions for you to consider before responding yes or no in the future. These can help you to determine which answer aligns with your true feelings... 🔶 Does this align with my values? 🔶 Does this contribute to helping me achieve the goals I have set for myself? 🔶 What exactly will be expected of me? 🔶 What resources does this require (effort, time, commitment, etc,) and do I have these to spare? 🔶 Can I do it and still prioritise my own needs? 🔶 Have I thought about the implications of saying yes?
If you have asked yourself these questions and you feel saying no is the appropriate response for you to make. The next step is getting to grips with how to say no. Below are some statements with the same meaning but that may feel more comfortable for you to say: ✅ “I am overloaded at the moment and unfortunately, I don’t have the capacity to complete the task” ✅ “I have other commitments at the moment” ✅ “Unfortunately, I am going to have to decline this offer” ✅ “I might be able to in the future but not at present” ✅ “I’m not able to but maybe you could ask..” ✅ “I need to consider if this is possible for me, I will say no for now and maybe get back to you if things change”
👉 What can happen when you always say yes? When you are fearful of saying no and instead always say yes. You begin to stop prioritising yourself and your own mental, emotional, and physical needs. This can result in you experiencing negative effects. You may stop prioritising your self-care which is needed for positive health. If you agree to things that don’t align with your values, this can cause you to experience negative emotions. You cannot fulfill your goals because you’re too busy agreeing to other things. You can end up taking on too much and become overwhelmed, even developing burnout.
👉 Saying No Example: John received negative consequences when he said no to people growing up. This led to John learning to always say yes to people to avoid being made to feel bad for saying no. This impacted all areas of John’s adult life. John would take on additional tasks at work that he was not required to do as part of his position. John would always help any friend that asked him which left him with no time to pursue his own goals. He would also feel too guilty to say no when his friends would invite him out, despite him wanting a night at home to de-stress. John was being pulled in all directions and he was feeling seriously overwhelmed. This began to give him symptoms of anxiety. John didn’t have the resources (e.g., time/effort) he needed to effectively care for his own mental and physical health as he was giving these resources to others when he would say yes. This led to his symptoms worsening and it became a never-ending circle. Mary had a similar experience to John when she was growing up. But she became aware that saying no was challenging for her and caused her discomfort. Mary recognised that this was causing her increased problems in her life and decided she needed to make a positive change. Mary began to stop saying yes immediately to everything that was asked of her. She would ask for time to consider whether or not it would be possible for her to agree, then she would carefully consider whether or not saying yes was the right decision for her before responding. This led to Mary providing herself with an environment where she can prioritise herself, set healthy boundaries, and align with her core values.
✍️ Activity - Learning to Say No 👉 Over the following week try and say no at least once. This can be in any kind of situation, it doesn’t need to be something you might consider huge. It can be in a shop when you’re asked if you would like to give your email. 👉 If you feel able to say no more than once during the week then this is brilliant, but there is no pressure to. 👉 This activity is just to get you used to saying no. 👉 Remember you can always change your mind. Your answer is not permanent.
🤗 Happio can help you on your journey to feeling more comfortable saying no. Have a look at our Embody Your Best Self programme which covers this topic 🤗